Friday, August 24, 2012

Im back Baby

I'm back, and boy has this pst year been crazy, exciting, heart wrenching, amazing ! We have been stretched to the core and, as Always , God has proven Faithful!!!! Here is a snap shot of the past year. *I was a surrogate for a wonderful couple * when I was 5m prego. we received a referral for a baby girl. ( nov. 1) * Richard spent 48 hrs trying to convince God we couldn't take her..... He clearly spoke to us that we needs to trust him and say yes. * we said YES * Nov.7th I drove by myself to Hershey Medical center to meet M (birth mom ) - walk into the NICU at one pm and got to see the most beautiful little 2 lb 15 oz baby girl ever! I was in love, so much so it hurt and I started to cry..... M feared at this point I was changing my mind.... I assured her that wasn't the case and m asked if we could sing papers... We left the hospital went to the notery and 2 hours after meeting my Emma I had full custody of her. And M hugged me and walked away. That was the start of our Journey to bring Emma Michelle Lillian Hope home and make her a Rogers officially!

Monday, March 21, 2011

The ones we don't adopt....

Here is a bit of my heart for the kids left in foster care...... The hard to place....the ones with issues..... This is how it might look to them

"I was working outside on the garden today (obviously not written today as the rain is falling!) and I started thinking again about the reasons we have for not adopting particular 'hard to place' children. I imagined what one of those unadopted children might say to us if we ran into them later in life.What would they do? Would they smile weakly and offer the words that we offer others as our justification for living safe and not bringing 'them' into our families. Or would their hearts cry out to us even as adults? Here is my thinking on how one conversation might go......

"I understand that you couldn't make room -
that there wasn't a place,
I was not of your womb.
That my age was all wrong,
and my history belonged,
to a place and a people you know have all gone.

I see in your eyes that my life was a chore,
that my needs were too big,
my emotions to raw.

That you were afraid I might never leave home,
or I might find anger and by failure be known.
That my heart was too broken
my mind was too slow,
That the drugs in my system
defined me, you know.

And maybe, just maybe,
I wouldn't love you -
for my mind was too battered
too deep were the wounds.

But I wish you had tried,
I wish you had found room,
For this one tiny boy who
so achingly stood
and looked in the windows and watched
as you prayed,
and asked the Lord Jesus
to move you each day.

To bring out the family
that He had prepared
but none came forward
as I stood lonely there.

I understand - that man would say
my childhood has slipped away.
I have a father, this is true,
I know the same strong God as you.

But I wish that I had, had a mom -
a brother, a sister, a dog, some lawn.
That you had tried to reach me there
not left me to my own despair.

To people who were paid to feed,
and paid to wash and paid to read.
To those who didn't stay too long
and those who chose to teach me wrong.

I wish,
that you had found a way
to wedge me in and let me stay."

Reposted from urban servant

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Life is good.

So am exhausted, but a good exhausted . I spent last week working a clothing turn about , I was also able to get a compleat spring and summer wardrobe for each of the kids . ( I spent 280 total for 6 wardrobes, in cluding bathing suits and shoes and Easter outfits... And more cute clothing then they really need :) ) and if you know my love of clothing and a great deal you know this was awesome! I was also able to put some bags of clothing together for a family that lost everything in a fire 2 weeks ago.
I am happy to report that Zion had his evaluation , and even though they gave him a developmental / over all age of about 17 m.......this has been one of the best weeks we have had in forever! We moved him out of his crib and he is in a car toddler bed....... Well to all the skeptics out there.... He has slept in the bed for 3 nights and 2 naps and has slept throughout the night 2 nights in a row. ( he hasn't done that in over a year) I am starting to wonder if he felt trapped or boxed in in the crib ? What ever the reaso Iam thrilled.
He has also started to communicate better using 2 & 3 words together. He also played for 20 min. With Eden that didn't end with her in tears( and that is huge for her even if everything goes her way!)
So Eden is now ..... Well still banging her head. she mainly does it asa self soothing way of getting to sleep. Funny thing is she doesnt need to be by her self to do it. she will bang her head into your cheesy if she is tired , or upset and it hurts. The issue lies in that she is now doing it hard enough to leave a bruse on her forehead . so back to the neurologist we will go, she is due for an MRI anyway.
And Faith well she is just trucking on , growing good, cute as ever!
The older 3 are doing great! We are throwing around the idea of cyber school for them next year! We will try a test run over spring break to see if we can get a set # of assignments done each day ...... We shall see.

and last but not least we are on the path to adoption once again .......... Before the comment start flying we are just putting our home study out there and allowing God to bring the child/children that are to be Rogers to us! ...... And there is still no contract for the surogacy so we are in a holding pattern there also..... But I know God is in control of all of this!

So that is us in a nut shell right now

Friday, February 25, 2011

Land of Inbetween

I have been emotionally tied... Exhausted this week. There is no physical reason...... But this morning in my quit time , the spirit whispered remember last year... at this very time last year I was in battle! A spiritual battle to bring Eden home! There were pleople involved that didn't want us to bring her home. I was even told at one point that " if they couldn't find any one else then they knew we were there for her" But god prevailed and we brought our daughter home , we had our adoptions happen in the past year, we went from being foster parents to being able to only adopt as we now have to many little ones to foster, we have delt with so many medical issues and diagnoses, and we havent stopped .... I think that I am finally allowing myself to rest...... And through all of this feel like our family has been in the land of in between for awhile now.
Reading a blog I follow this this morning I came across this , and it is the perfect picture of where our family has been this past year.. It is reassuring that even in the in-between God is incontrol !

There's a place between here and there.  A piece of ground in the middle of take-off and landing.  A section of the unknown within beginning and ending.  You probably find yourself there from time to time.  It's the land known as Inbetween.

Inbetween is one of the most rugged places in life.  You aren't fully here, and you aren't fully there.  Your emotions and hopes are strewn across an endless list of possibilities.  Door knobs of wood, brass, and silver line the path, but which will open?  In the land of Inbetween, the paths are lined with sealed envelopes and foggy dreams.  Excitement runs forward and fears hold back.  And if you stay long enough, you feel the tremors of  your soul.

The land of Inbetween is downright scary.  It's a place of blind trust.  It's where the pedals of faith meet the narrow road of fortitude and where movement is demanded though there's no place to go.  The worst part of this land isn't the uncertainty or frustration that accompany it - it's that God likes it when you're there.

While He's no sadist, God loves the land of Inbetween.  He loves what it does to us.  He loves the humility and dependence it creates in our hearts, so He creates innumerable forks in life's road that swerve us into the land of Inbetween.  The unknowns of job, marriage, children, and home are the signs of this uncertain land.  At times, people are thrust into Inbetween by mishaps, accidents, sudden deaths, and even unexpected fortune.  Some people visit so many times they begin to wonder if it's life.  And they aren't far off.

So what will hold you steady when you walk through the terrain of Inbetween?  A recognition that Inbetween is God's design.  In one miraculous moment, the Creator of the universe placed you in the greatest Inbetween of all time - the place between the earthly creation and eternity.  Life's smaller lunges forward and backward are merely postcard reminders that there's something greater than this place we're visiting.

If you're in your own land of Inbetween, remember that God was the original designer of this journey.  You can get mad, scream, and even pout if you want. But it doesn't change the fact that you're merely passing through.  Everything else is Inbetween.  (from Deeper Walk, a Relevant Devotional Series, thank you SIT A SPELL for sharing this:) )

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Me 101

1.The control freak in me has to take care of the books even if I say I don't want to.

2.  I only read the US news if I have to.  I always feel like if there is something I really need to know- I will see it on Facebook.

3.I don't really like to talk on the phone.  I prefer texting.  I'm funnier in print- and awkward in person.  Perhaps that's why I like to text.

4.I like bread, all. Kinds of bread.... And can eat a whole loaf if it is good bread!

5.I am notorious for screwing up song lyrics. 

6.I really want another child/ children. Right between Selah and Zion.

7.I find myself listening to kids bop in the car even when the kids aren't with me.  Same goes with iCarly on TV long after the kids have left the room.

8.I like watching the housewives  My husband will be mortified that I just shared that.

9.I could eat crab until I got's not a pretty sight.

10.I' hate that I am getting older. But the inner me still sees her self as an insecure 18year old.

11.I'm on the computer too much too have 6 kids

12.I love wearing dresses!

13.We don't have a tv in our room and i Love it.

14.I hate doing dishes and Richard let's me get away with not doing them.

15.I want to go to collage! But it scares me to death!

16.Some times I eat just to eat.

17.If I were to go to my dream vacation destinations, I would tour Europe with my family , go to an all inclusive resort in Fiji .

18.I say damit when I'm really mad.

19. I hate homework!

20. I secretly love my stretch marks!zz

21. I am a huge fan of P.D.A.

22.I can burp on demand.

23. I am to lazy to ever get divorced......... NOT THAT RICHARD AND I EVER WOULD!!!! I LOVE HIM MORE EVERY DAY!

24.My favorite vegetable is Asparigas

25.My current celebrity crush is Anderson Cooper.  He could tell me the news any day.

26.I love pickled eggs.

27.I have a collection of hello kitty!

28.I hate decorating for holidays

29.My favorite age of kids is age 4.  Old enough to be a little independent but still young enough to be sweet and innocent. 

30.I cry at commercials .

31.I don't remember what my life was like with out kids........ And that is a good thing.

32. Really don't like my birthday, it is never right....... But thank you Richard for never stop trying

33. I saved the pants that I was wearing when I met Richard.

34. I love show tunes.

35.  I have always wanted to live in Haiti and work with orphans.

36. I love shoes...but hate to wear them and only do if I have to! An then they have to nice really nice!

37. chocolate..... need I say more?!?!

38.  I like hospital and airline food.

39.  I consider my home and children a mission field unto it self.

40.  I wish that I knew how to dance.  I love to dance, but I am so bad at it and look so awkward doing it. 

41.  I don't like cold makes me hurt all over
42.  I love reading childrens books....I started collecting them before I had kids.

43. I'm not a fan of popcorn. It gets stuck in my teeth. 

44. I love coupons!

45. My favorite pet is my rat, Cashmere .

46. I love my tv and keep in on for background noise.

47. I love being part of my foster parent association! It makes me feel like I have an in.

48. I really want a pool!

49. I like to spend time with my the expense of housework!
50. After 11 years of marriage , Richard still surprises me all the time......and I love him more and more for it!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Yesterday was nuts!

Tuesday is my day off the day I get to go and not worry about anything ( thank aunt Stephanie) well yesterday was nuts! I had to have the neighbor jump the van . Then went to the library and couldn't get It to start again :( so I asked the lady parked next to me to give me jump please! Well that didn't work but I did make a nw friend . Liz is a pediatric hospic nurse.... And I thought my job was hard! She works with mainly kids with cancer and there families , we talked about our lives and kids and . She lives on a farm about 5 min. From me and she knew the people that lived in our house before we did. ( and who I still get mail for... 7 years later) So where will this new friendship lead who knows... I can tell you this it was God who who made it happen. After about an hour she had to leave to go to work, I called mom to come get me and we tried to jump the van again and first time it started up! So that was my yesterday :)
Thanks again Mom!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Just playing

When I’m building in the block room, please don’t say I’m “Just Playing.”
For you see, I’m learning as I play about balances and shapes.
Who knows, I may be an architect some day.
When I’m getting all dressed up; setting the table, caring for the babies,
Don’t get the idea I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play;
I may be a mother or father some day.
When you see me sitting in a chair, reading to an imaginary audience.
Please don’t laugh and think I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play;
I may be a teacher someday.
When you see me combing the bushes for bugs,
Or packing my pockets with choice things I find; don’t pass it off as “Just Play.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play:
I may be a scientist someday.
When you see me engrossed in a puzzle or some “plaything” at my school,
Please don’t feel the time is wasted.
For, you see, I’m learning as I play. I’m learning to solve problems and concentrate.
I may be in business some day.
When you see me cooking or tasting foods,
Please don’t think that because I enjoy it, it is “Just Play.”
I’m learning to follow directions and see differences.
I may be a cook someday.
When you see me learning to skip, hop, run and move my body;
Please don’t say I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play; I’m learning how my body works.
I may be a doctor, nurse or athlete someday.
When you asked me, what I’ve done at school today,
And I say “I just played”; please don’t misunderstand me.
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m learning to enjoy and be successful in my work;
I’m preparing for tomorrow.
Today, I am a child and my work is play.
Hope you enjoyed the poem, and for you adults too…………..take some time to “Just Play” today!